Black Family Table Talk
Black Family Table Talk
S7:E1 | Are You the Toxic One?
Drekkia Writes shares her story of being kicked out of high school, drowning in toxic relationships and using poetry to become an author, sought-after corporate trainer, and a millennial game changer.
Sponsored by ABTF Travels: Arts and Cultural Experiences @ AtlantaBTF.org/travels
This week we sit down with the incomparable poet, artist, and motivator who goes by the pen name - Drekkia Writes. Listen up.
Tony:Welcome to Season Seven of Black Family Table Talk. We are your hosts, Toni and Tony. Join us on our journey to discover ways to build a strong black family.
Toni Henson:This season is sponsored by ABTF travels. Join us as we travel each year beyond borders off the beaten path, to immerse ourselves in cultures that celebrate our Pan African Heritage. Each journey is specially curated to provide you with what promises to be a bucket list transformative experience.
Tony:I can't wait until we go again.
Toni Henson:Me either.
Tony:In the meantime, we have a very special guest joining us at the kitchen table this week, listen up.
Toni Henson:I just want to say, I have seen you grow. I have seen you blossom into this beautiful flower. And I've wanted to talk to you because young people are so and I was young, I'm not saying like I wasn't. But this, this woman has found her purpose and her focus
Drekkia:Thank you. That makes me feel good.
Toni Henson:I mean, I know everybody's on a journey. Even when you get to my age, you still on a journey. Finding and discovering. But I wanted to have you on because I was like, Okay, I want to know her secret because I think she can help people. I know you can help people. I know you are out there helping people.
Drekkia:Yes. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. It makes me feel good. You know, I've been really committed to walking in my purpose and staying prayed up.
Tony:Wow, wow.
Drekkia:Because it's really been a journey. I quit my job in the Arts and Education Program Manager for the state of Arkansas last year in November, because I started to feel this discomfort. Like I was sitting at my desk, and I like my job, but last year in November, I was sitting at my desk at work and I was planning out my schedule for the following year. And something just said, Girl, you know, I won't be here that long. And I was like, Okay, because I had already been toying with the idea of leaving and pursuing my business seven of arts full time where I offer creative based professional personal development. So what I do is I use poetry literally as vehicle to reach youth, to teach them how to express themselves how to communicate more effectively. Poetry is the cheapest form of therapy. So I show them how to use it as a coping mechanism. And even in the workplace, I work with organizations and the arts is just at the forefront of everything that I teach. It's literally just the vehicle I used to teach. Like I said, conflict, resolution, team building, communication, like I'm really big on things being high energy and interactive. The arts is where one access point that has no barriers. So that's just what I do. I feel like that's what I'm supposed to do. And when I left my job, I didn't have a big plan, all I had was faith and God made a way. Like he literally made a way.
Tony:So it was Seven of Arts a side hustle or this was newly created when you decided to leave your job?
Drekkia:It was a side hustle. So I've always taught poetry like this literally what I've done, but I had never officially established it as a business. So Seven of Arts was created to just legitimize what I was already doing. And I just felt that I could take it to the next level. So I created Seven of Arts as a business entity, so that I can, make it more real for myself like this is not just something I do on the side or do it for fun. It actually is fun. But this is something I do because I feel like it's what I'm supposed to be doing.
Tony:You know, I got a business mind, I just want to know. So how did you grow? Did you have contracts in hand before you quit? Or?
Drekkia:That's what I tell you. That's the thing about faith like we have to choose the things that we cannot see. I knew I could do it. I knew I could do it. Was I prepared my face at the moment. No, but literally within two weeks of me leaving. I secured a family contract with an after school program which literally yesterday, well Thursday was my last day working with those students but each month, I just get different opportunities just by reaching out and just being creative in the way that I stream revenue. So I also help artists too, like, I just love helping artists realize their potential. So I have a book called The Art of Securing the
Bag:27 Ways to Monetize your Talent because being artists, you have to be creative in how you get money. I always tell people, majority of our money don't come from people booking me to perform a pool. It comes from teaching, it comes from products, knowing how to set up contracts. There's so many other creative ways to do things, going to festivals, knowing how to network, it's so many opportunities out here that a lot of people they don't even recognize. So I have my book that I push, I do events, I just do a lot.
Toni Henson:I just want to reach out to the screen and hug you. Oh my gosh. When I ever encountered you during the Atlanta black Theatre Festival, you're always so quiet and I'm just, that's why I said blossom. I always thought you were beautiful. You had a poise and grace about you that was mysterious and you were quiet. I saw you as quiet but every time I saw you it's so much going on. But I just remember that in the back of my head and then as I followed you on social media, I just saw this person, and even your look has change. You have you have more of a glow. And I don't mean, you know, like, hair, you know what I mean? It's like you've found your voice and I want to know what was that aha moment and what along your journey? What were you going through? Because everybody had to come through something. We all come through something I wrote a book too, talking about what I came through, but help folks out there healthy young women out there. Do you mind if I ask you how old you are?
Drekkia:I'm 28
Toni Henson:Still in your 20s. And when I was in my 20s I was the stupid this fool out there. But help somebody in their 20s. What would you say to your little sister, or your younger self,
Drekkia:As you reflect on how you remember me, it makes me emotional because I do remember being in a place where I felt like, I couldn't talk. I talked about this in my book too, I have a book called 70 Mirrors where I talk about my journey of being in toxic relationships, like not only with other people, but with myself. I literally felt like I physically could not speak for a long time and it's because I was allowing myself to be in a space that wasn't conducive to my own growth. So the biggest advice I would tell people out there is to accept accountability for the role that you play in your own life. I think my life would have never changed had I not taken a moment to stop and be like, girl, You know what? You are part of the problem. People love to point our fingers at everybody else for why we aren't unhappy. Well, I was blaming the relationship I was in, I was blaming the way I grew up, I was blaming my job, my lack thereof. It was just so easy to shift the blame on somebody else and not putting on yourself. So when I realized that, like, I had the power to control the life that I wanted. That took my life to a different level, I ended up writing a book about the things that I was going through. And even within that book, like toward the end of my book, I talked about the future as if it had already existed. So I always say that I manifested where I am now. Because when I wrote that book, I was just in a tumultuous space even in the relationship that I was in, and the relationship I was in with myself. It was very unhealthy and very toxic. So in my book because I felt like I couldn't speak. So it's crazy that you say you feel like I failed my voice. Because I felt like I physically cannot speak. I had to I had to write it all down and when I wrote it down, I felt this conviction because when I started to sell my book, and I would get interviews and people would ask me questions like, Oh my god, I'm so proud of you, came out of this toxic relationship. And how was it now, you know your life is so great now. And in my mind, I was like, This is crazy that I feel so uncomfortable. Because I'm like these people believe that I'm out of what I'm talking about, but I wasn't. I was still in it. That conviction helped me move on in my life because I believe that there's power in our thoughts and in what we speak. So when I wrote down what I wrote down in my book it's because I wanted to get it out of my body so that I can move on. Because I had this one thought one day I was like, This can be this can be life. I was waking up crying every day and I feel like I was in a dark hole. I feel so dead inside like I literally thought that I would never get out of what I was feeling. And I used to consider myself like a high functioning, depressed, like everything on the outside look great. But inside I feel dead, I felt like I was in a different world. But again, when I started to accept accountability and help myself, when I came out of it, I just every day, I just started manifesting what I want. I wanted, I wrote, post it notes. Literally every day, I wrote post it notes about the future that I envisioned for myself. Like I said, I wrote my book, I spoke positive things about myself. I started to forgive myself for the decisions I made because I had to realize, You did the best that you could with what you had in that moment and I forgive you, I release you and I gave you permission to move on and leave that in the past because holding on to it is not going to do anything for you. So the biggest advice I would give women, I mean, even me too, it's like, Accept accountability for who you are in your life and know that you got the power to transform and be whatever it is that you want to be, like, literally no limits exist only the ones that you place on yourself.
Tony:Wow, you said a mouthful there. You job so many nuggets. I have so many questions. The first one I have, I just need to get an understanding because there was an aha moment for me when you said accepting accountability for your own situation. And I want to know for myself, and I'm sure people listening will also want to know, what do you think contributed to the idea that you had to change and take control and accountability for yourself. We go through life sometimes and we fall into certain roles in life, or how the world see us, how our parents see us, how our sibling see us, and then we fall into something based on, it could be a number of things, if I'm the oldest child, middle child, youngest child, all these roles that are forced on us as we go through life. And we just kind of take stuff and just fall into and things just fall in place for us until we wake up one day and say, I don't like where I'm at. What's causing me to be here causing me to feel this way. How did you come to that moment and say, I have to tear this thing up and start over because I don't like how I'm being viewed. I don't like what I'm putting on myself. How the world sees me, I see myself help me understand that.
Drekkia:For me that actually the biggest thing for me was my siblings. So I'm the second oldest out of five kids. I have an older brother. He's 29. And he's incarcerated in the federal penitentiary and then I have a 24 year old brother. He's incarcerated in state penitentiary. He's been incarcerated since he was 15. So he spent majority of his developmental years incarcerated institutionalized. And then I have another brother who's 23 and a sister that is 21. And I'm the first to graduate high school and go to college and my family. So I was breaking a lot of generational curses. I knew the influence that I had on my sister, specifically, because she'll never admit it, but she's almost like my little Karate Kid. She does poetry, she got the same car as me, went to the same college as me. I know she looked up to me and view me in a light that whatever I did she used it as a guiding tool for her. So for me, I feel so much.. I wasn't living in the fullness of my purpose and again, I was in a place that I feel like was not happy. She started and they feel embarrassing to me, because I'm like, What kind of example am I setting for her to not be living in the fullest and my purpose. What was it going to take, but what helped me go into the next level was thinking about my sister. I have noticed that. That was one of the motivating factors even though it took me a while to get my stuff together but I was like, Come on now. You can do it.
Tony:I mean, did you did you feel pressured to be a certain person for your family, expectations placed on you?
Drekkia:I did and it was expectation I placed on myself. Like it's actually nobody ever did it. I think I always talked about the golden child syndrome. I feel like people literally since I've been young, they always viewed me in a positive light like that I was smart, I was pretty. They just thought highly of me. So I always feel like I could not make mistakes. And it's not that anybody told me like nobody held me to a standard they just always encouraged me to say positive things. It was me in my mind where I was like, Man, I can't let them know that I'm feeling college right now or that I lost 1000s of dollars in scholarship. I can't let people know that I'm sad, because I'm the person that people always come to, that they feel like they can talk to. So I felt like I had this strain on myself. And when I got older, I had to realize that I needed to humanize myself more and when I realized I needed to do that is because my mom was she would always share her mistakes with us, which I felt like made our relationship stronger. And it made me realize that people are people that I had a permission to be a people to.
Toni Henson:Oh my gosh. When did you realize in what point in your life, I think you spoke on it a little bit but it's the question and I have in my mind, if you can elaborate on it. When did you realize in your life that you were compromising yourself? Or what was rock bottom, I guess a better way to phrase it with - what was bottom for you?
Drekkia:I felt like I had two pivotal moments that were rock bottom for me. When I was in ninth grade. I was terrible. My cousin had died when I was in eighth grade and I just told myself, I said, What purpose is it to be good if you do just gonna die. So I was terrible. I would be out there fighting, smoking weed, doing all kinds of ridiculous things. And I remember toward the end of high school, I got into a fight, and I got expelled. And when I got expelled, and I couldn't go back to school to get my poetry notebooks out my locker, I couldn't go take my test. I was disgusted with myself. And then in that moment, I said, I need to change my surroundings and my environment. So at a young age, I really was thinking like this, Man, I gotta get away from this environment that I'm in because it's not helping me grow and that's when I realized that, what if I live to be old, like, what am I doing right now that's gonna contribute to me being able to have a good lifestyle. So in that moment, I literally, the school that I was going to J Fair high school, when I got expelled, they tried to send me to alternative school. But that didn't happen because I ended up signing myself up for charter school downtown called Eastern. Now, I was a high performing student. So they had already tried to poach me when I was in middle school, and I actually went there for a month within I live, then I went to J Fair that when I got expelled, I just contacted them back. I wanted to go back because it was a smaller city. And then I wouldn't be around old friends or family that I was able to ride for. So when I switched schools, I just had this different kind of commitment to myself, like, I want to be an example for my siblings, and show them something different and that they got the ability to be whatever it is they want to be and go wherever they want to go. So at 16, I signed myself up for Eastern Charter School. I taught myself how to ride the city bus. With the city bus, I wake up at like five o'clock in the morning, just to catch the bus by six, which it was an hour long ride, just to get to school every morning, even though it was only like a six mile drive. City bus take you through the city so it's like an hour to get to school. I even stayed after school to take extra classes, just so that I could get all that I needed. But I did all that because I always felt like I had a purpose for me and that I was supposed to be doing something big. Because something that I learned is that if we don't walk in our purpose, then somebody else won't be able to walk nears. So I just took it really, really, really seriously.
Toni Henson:Wow
Tony:One pivotal. What was the second one?
Drekkia:So the second pivotal moment for me was when I was living in Atlanta, and I was having a moment every day, I was just crying. I was so sad. I'm like, Man, God, I know this can't be what you have for me. I think came a long way even allowed me to break so many cycles, like I just I just noticed is not the end. And I will write in my notes every day how I was feeling and I'm like, Man, this is not right. And when I started to make myself believe, Hey what you're feeling is not right, and you can actually come out of it. That's when I started just training myself to be able to transition from being in a relationship, transition from being in Atlanta, and living on my own, and doing my own thing. So that moment for me, it was big.
Toni Henson:I'm making the assumption that there is a need because I felt the pressure when I was in my 20s. That the way we define ourselves as women is how we define our relationships with men. So we had to have some kind of title in order to be valid. Can you speak to your liberation of that if there was one or was that your story?
Drekkia:For me, I don't think it was more so the titles. I think it was the connection that I was getting, like in a relationship, I got to do a lot of great things. And like I just held on today because I'm like, Man, this is a beautiful space, like I got to explore, travel, I was a camping woman. So I think it was just that comfort that I was living in. It allowed me to stay in that space. But I do understand what it's like to want to be attached to a title because it gives us this, this sense of validation. I was in a board meeting, and I write a poem, every board meeting, that I'm in a school board meeting, and when one of the poems that I wrote was called Titles, and they say, who am I without the titles? Do we hold on to these titles because it makes us feel like something that we were really not. Is this like a covering that we put put on.
Tony:We've shaped everything up to where we are, where you are in your life now. And now you have Seven of Arts. You're working with corporations, you're working with organizations, you're working with students. So what do you see Seven of Arts going now, and if you can tell us about some of the clients you have, and how you help them each category, if you could.
Drekkia:What I see Seven of Arts being, I always say this, I want to be the Chick'a Fillet of training companies. So, with Seven of Arts, I work with schools and students, like my whole goal was to help them find their voice. With the residency that I just completed here at an after school program in Little Rock, Arkansas. I always get feedback from the kids, just so I know that I'm doing what I think I'm doing because we can come in with these ideas and think we're delivering whatever it is we supposed to be delivering. But I asked the kids, How do y'all feel about the different things that we've done throughout this whole residency, has it helped you improve any. In my classes, within one time, every week, and for our classroom culture, we do a quote of the week, a Mic check. A mic check is where I bring my microphone in my stand, and they love the microphone. And they have to answer the question. A question, a random question that I give them but the whole purpose of that is to get them comfortable with standing in front of people speaking fluently and articulating themselves. So with that, they already know I always tell them, Hey, when you come up here, introduce yourself. Don't do the peepee dance but if you want to move, move with purpose. And each week they progressed, but at the end of this whole residency, and I asked for feedback, and there was one little boy, and it just made me so emotional. But he said, Doing mic checks, over this time, helped me become more confident and standing in front of people and talking because in school, I was scared. I thought people were gonna laugh at me I stuttered a lot, but we're doing mic checks is helped me be okay, and get more comfortable standing in front of people. With my quotes, I always tell them the same thing. Don't let fear hold you back. It's one of my biggest quotes. Because a lot of them starting off, they were scared and that's an issue with a lot of black kids specifically, they're standing up and talking in front of people. It's like, Oh, my God. But I'm very big on helping them challenge their voice because they need to know that when you step anywhere, speak with confidence and let people know that you're not scared.
Toni Henson: It's a Top 10 fear:speaking publicly. That's why in Princeton, I owned a franchise Drama Kids International. And that's what was all about it. Actually, my tagline was: From the stage to the board room, act up, speak up, be confident who you are. Take Charge. That's why I think the arts, you said that the beginning of our discussion is so important to teach children because it gives you so much confidence.
Drekkia:It does. It is beautiful. When little kids can articulate their back like they're able to self assess and be aware enough to know, hey, when I first started, I wasn't confident but now I can do it. They can't get them to stay off the mic. When I bring the microphone they just all you see is them grabbing the mic. Hello. And I taught them how to do like call and response. I don't have to send you out a video but I taught them how to do like call and response and engage with the audience.
Toni Henson:This is just as a problem that I had when I brought my children from the north and to the south. And it's just a different culture. It's not better it's not worse. It's just different. And I remember that he spoke out, he was very expressive, my daughter, and he was rewarded for that when we were in schools in New Jersey, and my daughter was always very quiet. And all the teachers, she has wonderful thoughts, she needs to share them. But when we got to Atlanta, I remember my daughter was rewarded for being quiet. And my son was penalized for being bland, expressive. But it's just funny how we affirm children. In different cultures, culturally speaking, we denied children, what their natural gifts are.
Drekkia:That's why I'm doing my workshops, it gets kind of sticky, because there's people who have their own way of thinking that kids shouldn't talk or be too expressive. So one of the problems that I run into is, when I go into these spaces, and I'm working with kids, I tell them, Hey, I want you to talk about what you don't usually get to talk about. When the kids start to tell the truth, a lot of people, they don't want to hear that. They don't want to hear that a child is depressed or sad, don't like their parents don't like school. But for me, I feel like poetry is one of them things that allow you to just get things off your chest. And I believe in doing that, you allow them this freedom to get that weight off of themselve. I always tell people from now on when I book with people, I'm like, Hey, if you're a stickler and don't want kids to say certain things, you don't want them to tell their truth and then with me, I'm not the one.
Toni Henson:You've done some college tours as well. You've done some speaking at colleges, what has been the response with of young college students.
Drekkia:I have a college tour called Create the Life You Want. And with it, I'm going in and again, I'm using poetry as a way to facilitate us into discussion. And we get to talk about real life issues and what they are going through. And the response has been really great. Because again, you have college students who have not been taught how to express themselves, they hold everything in. When I come into the space, we're getting real. I say the stuff that you don't expect people to say. I'm real unhinged. So I ask crazy questions like, Are you the toxic one. People I was expected to be the victims, I'm like, What have you done wrong. I make people really reflect on themselves. I always tell people, when I work with them, like I, I'm going to introduce you to yourself. Which is so uncomfortable, because I had to do it to myself. But in doing that, that's how I was able to grow again. When I started to realize, Girl, you are the problem. I like change. And I think if more people understood where they feel short, and how they can move forward in their life. Life would be so much better for them. But it's a lot of us who don't want to self reflect, scared to tell the truth about who we are. But why. So the response has been good, I've been able to work with a lot of great organizations. I've worked with the top honors students in New York, at the McCauley Honors College, which was a great experience. You hate seniors, incoming college freshmen outside, because we did our workshops outside expressing themselves talking about their feelings where high performing students they are literally the ones who I think the suicide rates for high performing students is high because there's a lot of pressure on them. So going into that space and allowing them to talk and be conscious of where they are and why they feel how they feel. It allows them some freedom to move forward. I've worked with school districts all across Arkansas, I've worked with private colleges, public colleges, the University of Central Arkansas Lander. There's just been so many organizations. In a couple of weeks, I get to work the Walton Enterprises. That's been exciting too. I work from the from the little rural country towns, all the way to the big cities. I don't discriminate, because I think what I do, it translates for everybody.
Toni Henson:Well, you are certainly on your way. Tony, if you don't have any more questions, let's close out with a poem.
Drekkia:So hello, good people. It's Drekkia. This is my Math Book. This is my favorite one. I never liked math/ Based on the fact I'm naturally a creative person./ But more so because they teach you that there's only one answer to every question./ You either right or you're wrong./ But I'm guessing my MBA because it tries so hard to be perfect./ Placement rules on your every move/ Structure on your steps/ Orders on your operations like Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally/ Please/ Please for parentheses/ Parentheses before Excuse/ Excuse before my math for multiplication/ Multiplication before division/ Division before addition/ Addition before Sally/ Sally for subtraction./ See, I'm guessing I hate math because it acts as if the number line represents your lifeline./ Like you're either negative or positive./ And there's no room for in between, because everybody knows that zero is equivalent to nothing./ So you have to pick a sign./ I mean side/ Sides/ This life ain't no equal that will triangle so never expect all sides to be equal./ See, I hate math, because I can now calculate the relation between my age. And the number of years my dad has been actively participatory in my life,/ like the 28 years, two months, two days, two hours and 10 seconds./ He's managed to be a part of zero./ But I use those same calculations to try to boost myself up by saying stuff like,/ well, you know, he did send your child support check/ every two weeks for $52./ 52 times two equals $104 a month,/ and $104 a month times 12 months equal $1,248 a year,/ meaning my existence was practically as valuable as 10 ti 84. calculators,/ I'm tired of being a calculator./ Because I'm tired of adding stuff up./ Like the red flags,/ I should have noticed withdrawal 60 miles per hour pass on a daily/ see I hate math because it's always telling the truth,/ knowing that the truth hurts,/ and it's facts./ Women lie./ And men lie./ The numbers don't lie./ But what I've come to realize is that my favorite number is zero./ It never adds or takes away from anyone./ And it's never bothered by the fact that it cannot be divided or broken./ I wish I was the number zero,/ unable to be divided, or broke./ See, I hate math because I don't get how they came up with the number after the decimal point./ Like what in the world,/ this 10.201993 even look like in real life./ And who came up with it?/ See, I'm tired of doing examples on the board,/ only to go home and still getting wrong./ Like how God can make examples of us but like dummies, we keep repeating the same mistake./ never fully learning from each other because supposedly experience is the best teacher/ See, I'm tired of math because I'm tired of numbers./ Constantly serving as a reminder that for the past three years in the Senate to come,/ my 19 year old brother will be treated as a number/ inmate 158463/ stripped of his identity, but one day my caged bird will be set free./ See, I'm tired of math, because how much you make determines how far you go, or how far you grow, or the extent of your own happiness./ See, I'm talking to Math because it makes me mad./ It makes me think the best thing my dad could do for me, is make me a beneficiary on his life insurance policy/ as adding$100,000 to my life, and subtracting one./ Because somehow multiply my happiness, but I'm thinking that would only leave me feeling more divided./ See, I'm tired of math because I'm tired of trying to solve for x and y./ Or maybe I'm just tired of people asking me about my ex/ and why./ Like, why/ my ex can accurately calculate my value./ But I'm guessing our set of coordinates were never the perfect order piercey/ I hate math because I'm naturally creative person./ But more so because they teach you that there's only one answer to every question./ You either right or you're wrong. Thank you.
Toni Henson:Wow!
Tony:Writing. Exciting. Wow it was powerful.
Toni Henson:Goosbumps. Oh, my gosh.
Drekkia:Okay. Yes. Well, thank you for having me. I'm so excited. When I got the email. I'm like, Oh my god, Tony, remembered me!
Toni Henson:Oh, man, how can I forget you and now you're becoming even more unforgettable. Because right now what you're doing is you're creating legacy, which is so much important when you learn you are called to teach. Thank you for teaching young people how to grow, how to grow through things, and just be all they can be. Thank you. And I'm gonna send you an invitation because I would love for you. I hope you're available the weekend of the Atlanta Black Theatre Festival. I would love for you to come to share your work and speak.
Tony:That's Black Family Table Talk
Toni Henson:That's What's Up
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