Black Family Table Talk
Black Family Table Talk
S6:E10 | Love Lessons
Toni takes a few moments to share her private thoughts about the tough lessons she's had to learn about love. This episode also includes some excerpts of poetry from her best-selling poetic memoir, LET IT GO: Queens Gotta ****, Too!
This week's episode of Black Family Table Talk podcast/blog is sponsored by Frans Body Care.
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Hey family, I am talking today to you one on one. I've got something to share with the young women of today. I hope you stand by and listen because I know that my daughters and my nieces, and my little sisters need to hear this. And the truth is, I found true love. I have found the one whom my soul loves. My soul mate. Listen up. And when you're finished listening, I'm asking you to share it. Share it with your nieces, your sisters, your sister friends. I trust and I pray that it lands where it needs to land. And it's heard by who needs to hear it.
Tony:Welcome to Season Six of Black Family Table Talk. We are your host, Toni and Tony. Listen in weekly as we share unique stories that inspire, build and give voice to strengthen black families.
Toni Henson:This season is sponsored by Fran's bodycare. These are handmade products made from organic ingredients. I personally recommend you try Free Me deodorant, it really works. And it's free of aluminum taupe perfumes and other harmful pore clogging substances. You can shop these and other black owned businesses on our website at BlackFamilyTableTalk.com. I'm here today by myself because I just wanted to share some thoughts. My heart has been heavy lately about what's happening in our world. And I've come to the point where I can't even look at the television anymore. I don't know about the news. If another injustice happens in this world, I think I'm gonna scream. I'm just so, it's like stop the world. I want to get off and frustrated and worked up. But I want to talk to young women today. The young sisters, my baby sisters, my nieces, my daughter's, the millennials - I want to talk to you today. And I pray that my words land in a way that you feel there may be a sense of hope. Listening to these men on YouTube and social media, just try to Father these women or act like fathers. I feel like they're pimps exploiting women. You have these men that come on and they have these women who have no clue. They need to find their space and their place in this world. And they're in their 20s. Most of them are in their 20s. They come on to these these podcasts and they allow themselves to literally be demeaned by men, because they want to be validated, they want to be affirmed. I had a talk with my baby girl not too long ago and I said to her, you don't have to be perfect to be successful. You don't have to be perfect to be successful. And I heard the air come out of her her body, she literally felt so much relief that I could hear the sigh. I think that we have set a standard in this culture that is a grind and die. You gotta grind, you got to have a man, you got to have this and I'm not saying you shouldn't be married. I'm talking about just wholeness as a woman, being whole as a woman o On your own. Standing on your own, in your purpose, centered, focused. And having the ability to say, I'm Okay. We are trying, we're killing ourselves, go into Central and South America for Brazilian Butt Lifts. We're having liposuction, trying to change our bodies to look like magazine or Instagram models. It's just so too much. And I know me as an artist, I know that I'm hypersensitive, and I feel things. The gift that God has given me is to feel things and feel them powerfully. And I think that's the gift that we get as artists. And we have to bring it out, we have to act express it the way it needs to express it, and we turn it into something beautiful. So we express it in the form of paintings and sculptures, and books, and poems, and God has given me the gift of poetry. So I want to share this poem. And this poem is for you, Queens. I just wrote this the other day, and honestly, when it came to me, it flooded through, it came to me like a burst of beauty. And I thank God for allowing me to be the vessel. And it's called a mother Psalm. She is a queen, a true warrior/ She is not perfect, but answers to the Masters call to purpose/ She is often broken, but by God's grace, still standing/ She is striving to be nurturing, beautiful, loyal, courageous and whole/ Tending to her children and our children's children as hidden figures in the shadows of others, less deserving, yet craving the light/ Arresting crown and sweating brow, but still rising in faith/ Patiently waiting for her turn to rain. That's what I feel like all women are. I really do believe that there are so many women out here that are waiting for their turn to rain. So I want to share with you my journey over the last two years when I really said to myself, and admitted to myself that I'm not perfect. And I stopped presenting this picture of perfection and started saying, Okay, what is my purpose? Why am I here, and stop looking outside of myself to define it. I started looking inside myself, and looking to God, so that I could see him like he saw me in his image. And what I saw, as he began to reveal to me what he sees, I saw beauty, I saw love, I saw good heart, a sharp mind, a talented, creative person. But I also saw someone who was critical. I saw someone who was judgmental, and started working on those things. So I've traveled in the last 18 months, I've traveled to Europe, Africa, three times, I've traveled to Central America twice, and South America. But I want to share why I started traveling me how this journey came about. And it's important for me to impart on you that the Bible is my guide book, but I had a revelation, think about that it may be a time to do a cleanse, I did a cleanse, I did a relationship cleanse. And I decided that I would first start with my vertical relationship, my relationship with God. And I would work on strengthening that, and building, and building, and getting as close to him as I possibly could. And I became obsessed with it studying the Bible, talking to him, being quiet, and silent in myself. I began to get stronger, and more self assured, and more confident in my purpose. And then God began to reveal things to me, and gave me ideas and started expanding my horizon and my vision. And the more I prayed, the more I became silent, the more grounded I became, the more sure that I was in divine will and divine purpose. Then I started working on those horizontal relationships. I looked around as if I had a panoramic view of my life. And God showed me, the people in my life who are kind and loving and supportive. But he also showed me the people in my life that were toxic, and judging me, and condemning me. I made a conscious decision that I would cut those people out of my life. And what hurts me is some of those people were very close relatives. But I needed to do that. I realized that in order for me to survive the next chapter of my life, that I had to guard my heart and I had to guard my mind. In order to do that, I had to focus on God, so it was like a fast and only allow the people who are supportive and nurturing to come in. What I realized is that, that was the beginning of healing. Once I made it clear to the people that I wanted in my life, and they understood and accepted the terms under which we would be in relationship, that's when I started to nurture those relationships. Because as long as they could give that to me, I knew that I could give that to them back. But we began to nurture them. And I think that we came to a place of understanding. And they understood where I was coming from, and I understood where they were coming from. And we started to build, and it has been the most beautiful time of building, I love them so much. I thank God for giving me them. It's a safe space for me. So I've created a safe space for myself. I didn't depend on other people to do that. I define the terms very firmly, but lovingly, but I also listened. I listened to how we got to where we were. I listened to my faults, and shortcomings and what I did with my critical spirit, and how I poisoned the relationship and promised that I would spend the rest of my life being to them what I wanted them to be to me - and that would be affirming, and loving and supportive and caring. I continue to pray for those relationships. I think about it, I get emotional, because the love is so real. It is unconditional without expectation. As long as there are no expectations, what I do is I find myself opening door, the door to appreciation, so if don't get a card, I get a call and I'm okay with that. As a matter of fact, I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for the gestures and how they show up. And they show up in the loving capacity that they are able and I don't fault them or short them because they are not meeting some idealistic standard of love- what I have romanticized in my own head. They just show up the way they are and who they are with what they have to give. And sometimes it's a pint size portion, and sometimes this a gallon portion. But either way, I'm just grateful to receive it. And I give the way I see it. So I give without the expectation of reciprocation. I give because I'm giving an overflow, not because I need anything back to fill me up, because I'm already full. God gives me the love that I need to be full. That's what comes with being centered and focused. So now I can give to them at an overflow, and it doesn't deplete who I am. It doesn't take anything from who I am. Then when I feel like my cup is getting a little bit light, I go back to the beach, and I travel, and I find my peace in my space. I immerse myself in the colors and the culture and the art that is that special place. I commune with God to refill my cup, and then I come back again. And I'm able to love and love on them and hear them. Those relationships are so special so I hope that my story is one that can help many to see if you find yourself in a place in a space that's frustrating with relationships, with people that are not giving you what you need, that are not nurturing, that are not supportive, because at the end of the day, not everyone is healthy enough to love you or be in a relationship with you. You have to love them at a distance. You got to fill your cup up, you got to fill it up and the only one that exists that can fill your cup to the point of satisfaction because you can drink and still be thirsty. The only one that can fill your cup to the point and the place of satisfaction is creator, Almighty God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, Jesus. I would like you to close your eyes and listen to a poem that I wrote called Imagine. One of the things that I realized is that if we are consumed with how we look on the outside and we are looking outside of ourselves for validation, then we can never be free. So this poem is dedicated to you, my beautiful queens. Imagine being free/ Imagine being free to be all that you can be to be butt naked, joyful and carefree/ Just imagine/ Imagine being awakened alive, free to grow and fully thrive, not a slave to a nine to five/ Just imagine/ Imagine versus flowing free to writer's block pure poetry, mine connected to divinity/ Just imagine/ Imagine walking along the shore, not craving slaving or wanting more time not waiting, nothing to wait for/ Just imagine/ Imagine having a butt or chest that's flat, just enough no excess fat and just being satisfied with that/ Just imagine/ Imagine spending your remaining years just letting go of all your tears worry free and free from tears/ Just imagine/ imagine if your assignment from above was making friends memories and love making more than you could ever dream/ Just imagine/ Imagine being sworn to secrecy that the world was dying from indecency, but the decent ones would be set free/ Just imagine/ Imagine swimming with the sea, creating strangers who crave to be as free and careless, carelessly/ Just imagine/ Imagine freedom from all that stuff, not always trying to measure up, not wandering but knowing you're good enough/ Just imagine. That's Black Family Table Talk. I hope you hear me. I love you.
Tony:That concludes this week's talk. We hope you found some tools to add to your strong black family toolbox. And be sure to sign up for a free subscription at BlackFamilyTableTalk.com for special discounts and product offers reserved exclusively for you.
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