Black Family Table Talk
Black Family Table Talk
S6:E5 | Mind Your Own Mind
Tony and Toni sit down with actress, author, and motivational speaker, Ivory Shields. Ivory shares an eye-opening story about how she used her childhood trauma to find her truth by protecting her thoughts.
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I don't think that we can be in these lifetimes in this physical world without any sort of discomfort.
Tony:Welcome to season six of Black Family Table Talk. We are your host, Toni and Tony. Listen in weekly as we share unique stories that inspire, build and give voice to strengthen black families.
Toni Henson:This season is sponsored by Franz body care. These are handmade products made from organic ingredients. I personally recommend you try free me deodorant, it really works. And it's free of aluminum taupe perfumes and other harmful, pore clogging substances. You can shop these and other black businesses on our website at BlackFamilyTableTalk.com. Welcome to Black Family Table Talk, Miss Ivory Shields.
Ivory Shields:Thank you for having me. It's an honor.
Toni X:Pleasure is all ours. We're gonna get right into it. I want to talk about your story. You have an incredible story. First of all, you're stunningly gorgeous. You're just gorgeous. But I know you've heard that all your life. I have a cousin who's just stunningly gorgeous and she doesn't like that. So I'm projecting on to you. But because she says, there's so much more to me than my looks. And that is I guess a blessing and a curse that goes with it. And we want to dig in. I want to dig in to get behind that. What is behind the beauty and the brains, and the talent that is Ivory Shields. Tell us about how you grew up and where you grew up.
Ivory Shields:Yeah, so I grew up in Decatur. I'm from Atlanta. Well, I was born in Atlanta, pretty much raised in Decatur. I came from a single parent family home. My father, I had this story, I remember it so vividly, I was six years old, my sixth birthday. When my father, I was waiting for him to like, take me out for an ice cream. I grew up in a single parent family home. My mother and father never married. I remember the day they were together but I do remember the daythat I saw my father for the last time and I hadn't seen him, like 10 years after that. It was my sixth birthday. I was so excited. I thought we were gonna go get ice cream. And we're just gonna have a grand old time. And he called me that morning and he's like, I won't be able to come and get you to take you to get ice cream for your birthday, I'm in New York. I was crushed and devastated and so I didn't see him for about 10 years after that. But my father struggled with substance abuse with alcoholism, all his life, he still does to this day. So I preface that my story with that because I didn't really, I grew up in a pretty chaotic childhood. A mother who worked two jobs, I had a younger brother- 10 years younger than me, who I pretty much helped raise, helped him with his schoolwork, helped him make sure he ate in the evenings because my mom was working two jobs. She worked at during the day and she had a job in evening. So I was a little parent. I was an overweight kid as well. I didn't really have anyone to talk to. I didn't have anyone checking in and asking me how I'm feeling, what's going on. So just a lot of loneliness and a lot of trying to figure out who I was and trying to figure out my feelings and just trying to figure out where I fit and who I am. It was just, it was tough.
Toni Henson:I can imagine that. Definitely. So then how did we get to a book and traveling all over the world? Speaker? How did we go from this child who was self doubted and was lonely to to where you are now? Teach us something.
Ivory Shields:Wow. Yeah. So I think I always knew that I wanted something different, that I wanted something better. I grew up around, like I said, a pretty chaotic childhood. I grew up in the hood, witnessing all kinds of stuff from people who are on drugs, strung out on drugs, crime- all this stuff. Witnessed all of this and I just knew that I wanted something different. And so I was focused on that. I was focused on something different. I didn't know what the different was. But I said I know that I want something different. And I didn't realize how intuitive I was, how spiritual I was. I just didn't understand and know I had all these gifts until later in life. So I did the best that I could with college, I really wanted to be a doctor. But I didn't really have the guidance around me to help me with the college application process. All of that stuff, when you're 18 or 19 years old, 17 or 16 even because you got to start preparing for medical school like really early. I just didn't have that guidance around me to make that come to fruition to guide me through that process. And the guidance, the public school guidance counselor, I don't want to say anything bad about them, but we'll move on. I just stay focused and did what I could do, what I knew how to do to get myself into college. I did have a high school mentor, my math teacher, Miss Barnes. She was so good about helping as much as she could. So I got myself into Georgia State. And again, still just didn't really know what I wanted to do so I majored in speech communications and psychology. And then from there, ended up in occupational therapy and going to you, the University of Alabama, to get my master's degree in occupational therapy. And so working as a therapist, after some time people started to become like reflections of myself. So what I started to realize was that all of these people were showing up with these physical ailments, and all of these, all this stuff. Because when I was sitting, talk to them, but I have this gift, where people will just tell me their life story. I'll be in a grocery store lining, and people will tell me their life story. So I'm working with a patient, so many patients, and they're just telling me their story. And all of them are doing, most of them are dealing with so much pain and unresolved trauma, that they never addressed issues with their parents, issues within their first families that they just never addressed. And all this stuff is manifesting in their bodies. And for me, it was like a lightbulb moment, I'm like, Whoa, this is what's going on with me too. So that really sort of propelled me on this journey of self discovery, self awareness, understanding precisely who I am, and why I'm here and what I meant to do, and why things are the way that they are. And so that's kind of fast forward, how I got to where I am now. And as far as the book goes, just really sharing with others, what I know and what I've gone through and what I know to be truths, because the things that you go through is always for other people. My story, my journey, everything that I've gone through, overcoming, being bullied as a child and being abandoned by my father, and growing up in a single parent family home, having to raise my younger brother, going through a divorce, all of this stuff and being an actress that, just to tie that in, I have always been interested in the arts, I'm a creative, so I've always loved that. And after my divorce, I really just made a decision to really start taking it seriously and pursuing it and I fell in love with it. I'll tell you my first acting class, I crashed and burned. But I love this song. It was one of those moments when I felt alive. Kind of like when I was seeing the reflection of myself working with my patients in the hospitals like this stuff, all these feelings and all my emotions, remember as a child that I had to just kind of tuck away and pack away because I didn't have anybody to talk to. I couldn't talk to my mom, she was stressed out and she was having nervous breakdowns. So all these emotions and stuff, I had to just stuff them down. And so when I got into acting classes, like Oh, sugar, like this stuff has got to come out. I gotta feel. I gotta identify what this is. I got to know what it is. I got to be articulate what I'm feeling. And I've got to allow myself and give myself permission to feel these things.
Toni Henson:That is so important. What everything you just said is so important. And what I brought to mind is how we, this trauma in our world, how we take it on and we carry it inside and out. It's projected onto us, just whatever the events are. If you're even if you're looking at the news at all, or experiencing it for yourself, there's got to be a way to do a mental detox. What would you say to someone who is trying to become aware of holding this in and then tell us more about your book.
Ivory Shields:As far as far as the awareness, I would say, give yourself permission. Give yourself permission to pay attention to how you feel. Carve out the time. Give yourself permission to carve out time to sit with yourself. I think that's a critical first step. Because we don't make time for ourselves, we make excuses or we feel guilty if we take five or 10 minutes to ourselves, because we feel like we have so much to do, the kids need us, the job needs us, our spouse needs us, everyone needs us. And so I say that's a critical first step is to give yourself permission to take time to take 10 minutes for yourself. There's a beautiful quote that I read a few years ago that I just live by, it said, "If you cannot take 10 minutes to yourself, your mind does not belong to you, your mind belongs to the world." And I think that is so profound, and so true. And we have to understand, and remember that these are our minds, and we are the captains of the ship. And we make the choices. So we get to decide what we want to prioritize in our lives. And if we don't prioritize our mental state, if things will go haywire, like our brains and our minds is really like a big networking system. The same kind of networking system that big companies and corporations, computers operate off of. We have thousands and thousands and thousands of thoughts every single day. So our minds have to go down for some troubleshooting, for some maintenance. We have to do to make that time, those 10 minutes to just stop and sit with ourselves. And allow yourself to feel whatever it is, pay attention to feel to what you're feeling and allow yourself to feel it. Give yourself permission.
Tony:That is so true. Your story, what you just described, and what you talked about earlier, there are so many people that can relate. It's very common, your upbringing, I relate to that daddy issues and being the oldest. You do have to find time for yourself. I think that's how I coped. I internalized everything, but like you said, it has to come out some kind of way. And through your academic studies, I'm just curious to know, I have two questions. I'm just curious to know that anything like a light bulb go off in your head that looking back over your life and coupling that with your academic studies. Is there something wrong with us as human beings that we suffer so much? Or what do you think is going on where that causes us to do that? I mean, is there anything in your studies or your experience that can highlight something or pinpoint that issue?
Ivory Shields:Yeah, wow, that's such a great question. And it's a very layered answer. So I'll start by saying, first and foremost, I don't think that we can be in these lifetimes, in this physical world without any sort of discomfort, without any sort of contrast to without any trauma, or bad things happening in our lives. That's just what this physical world is here for. It is here for us to have those experiences. Because those traumatic experiences, those experiences of suffering, are meant to expand us, and they're meant to stretch us. And that stretching and that expansion is again, always for somebody else. Your cup is expanded for other people. For other people to learn, for other people to gain insight into your experiences, because they may be going through the same thing. So I do understand that part. The other piece of this is that what I've come to know and what I've come to learn, and to be truth is that we can be more mindful of how we respond to the things that happen to us. And I think that that's the key. That's the trick to suffering is us choosing to look at it in a much different perspective. And getting to a point where we don't allow these things to consume us, where we don't allow it to take us down a rabbit hole, if you will. So it's really about us getting emotionally mature and aware. Awareness is key. Awareness and understanding, Oh, Okay, that these instances of suffering or for reason, let me figure out what this is, what is this lesson? What is this about? What's the insight there? What's the expansion? How can this show me? How do I use this? Whoever this is for, align me with them, so I can share this with them- what I've gone through, because I know that's what this is for. It's not just about me. And I think, too, that empowers us, that it pulls us, it moves us out of that victim mode. We're the victor, because we get to share this story with someone else, and it's going to help someone else and they're going to love you and appreciate you for that. So I think that's kind of the the key to that.
Tony:Very good, very good. I liken it to energy, positive and negative energy. There's negativity out there, and there's positivity out there. And those two energy forces has to, one has to take over the other. And we decide how we want to receive the energy and how we want to reject energy. And so where you are now, it seems like you are in a great space. You are enjoying your life. So if you can tell through your journey, would you change anything? Or what would you tell your younger self about what you have come to understand today?
Ivory Shields:Wow, yeah, don't get me wrong, everyday is not peaches and cream for me, again, just that level of awareness and understanding and trusting. Trusting that everything works out the way it's supposed to. Everything is in divine order. And I know that if I get up every day, and I take the steps that I need to take that everything is going to be fine. Everything will unfold the way that it should, and I am where I am supposed to be. I'm very intentional about reminding myself of that. Because you know, with just who I am as a person, I'm a thinker, I'm always in my head, I'm always thinking. So I have to remind myself, I have to be mindful of what I'm thinking. So doing the subconscious reprogramming work and constant affirmations like that stuff is is just a part of my lifestyle. That's just what I do every day, it is like brushing my teeth. And that comes with a level of self awareness and knowing who you are, I know I can be in my head. So I have to put systems in place to make sure that I'm thinking the right things that I stay grounded. I forgot your question. Gosh, it escaped me. What was your question again? I'm so sorry.
Tony:I was asking what would you tell your younger self?
Ivory Shields:Yes. And so that's what I would tell my younger self, just relax, that everything is going to work out in divine order. That's number one. Number two, you are beautiful. You are beautiful. I didn't grow up hearing that I was beautiful. You are worthy. I did not, not from my mother, my father wasn't around. So I didn't grow up hearing that. So you are worthy is definitely one. And the other thing is, Toni, you mentioned that you're, I think you said your niece or your cousin. Your cousin. She's stunningly beautiful and she doesn't like to be known for that. And that was something that I struggled with for a very long time. Like, I'm more than just beautiful. I am not just beautiful, that was my defense. That was my thing for a long time. And I will say here lately, the past maybe four or five years, I've embraced that, because I understand now that it is a part of the gift to be able to bring people in. And when you get here, you're going to get some. I'm not just pretty, I'm not just beautiful, whatever. I do understand that they go hand in hand, that I'm also beautiful on the inside. And I care about people I have a lot of love and care for people. And I understand now that's just the magnet to bring people in so that I can now be them and serve them in the way that I'm supposed to and I'm call to do.
Toni Henson:You've said so much in the last few minutes that you know everything is biblical about guarding your heart, and your mind, your eyes, what you see. Another point that you brought out was about, I think Tony brought this out about, wrestling with flesh and blood, not with flesh and blood but with negative and evil spirits in high places. And then the third thing was All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. So all of those biblical principles, I just recently read some, somebody had said something about the Bible doesn't work and Jesus said this. I was saying to myself, Wow, if we could just open up the Bible and just read it, and then apply it to our lives, because obviously, you've extracted these principles. I don't know your faith, but you've extracted these very basic principles for living. And, and they're obviously working. I remember TD Jakes said, the Word works if you work it.
Ivory Shields:I have to say, that's such a great point. And thank you for bringing that up. I did grew up in a Christian, religious home, we weren't forced. My mom didn't force us to go to church and everything every Sunday. But we did read the Bible, and we had to learn Psalm 78 song. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. So I did grow up reading the Bible, and I'm not religious. Now I'm very spiritual. I've studied many different religions on this journey. And what I've come to find, or what I've come to know is that the Bible is a book about the mind. And the Bible has its place as this prerequisite foundational principles for how we should behave, how we should think, how we should view really, ourselves and the world. And so I think that the Bible is a beautiful, foundational piece of work for us understanding how we're supposed to think, how we should be thinking, how we should act, how we should behave, and how we should treat other people. Absolutely.
Tony:That pretty much says it all right there. It's a roadmap for life, we have to pause and reflect with the busyness in life, we get sidetracked, thrown off the track or miss the stop, or miss the train. There is so much going on in this busy world. And you found time to write a book. If you could give us a couple of nuggets about what's written in your book, what story are you trying to tell us? Or what can we glean from it? anything? And how did you get to it? Yeah, how did you get to writing a book.
Ivory Shields:The book has been in me for so long and this is just my very first book. I'm a person who works a lot in nature. I work a lot in nature. I spend a lot of time in nature, because there's a lot of lesson in nature, there's a lot of grounding in nature, there's so much to gain from nature. And so I like to draw on all of the different elements for whatever it is that I'm going through, whether it's me meditating with my candles, whether it's me lying outside in the grass, planting my feet in the grass, to ground myself, whether it's me just staring up in the sky and sun gazing, and allowing the sun to just penetrate my skin in my body, whether it's me sitting by the river and bathing my feet in the river and really symbolically taking all of my worries all of my fears and giving them to the river. And I think the Bible talks about that as well. And so that's really what the book is about. How do we use nature as a healing modality from using all of the different elements of fire, earth, air and water. So that's really what the book is about. And I'm sharing my own testimony of how I used it and how it worked for me. And so that's really what my very first book is about.
Toni Henson:When will it be out and how can people get in touch with you?
Ivory Shields:Yes, so it will be out most likely October. October is our release date. You can out share all about it and I'll do the release. We're going to do a whole big campaign on my Instagram page @iamivoryshields. So you'll hear all about it. October is also, I don't know if you are Queen Sugar fans but I'll be on Queen Sugar in October for the new season. I was super excited about that. If you're Sugar Babies, if you're Queen Sugar fans, you're going to be in for a nice little treat.
Toni Henson:Well you just answered my question. I wanted to say what what acting projects are coming up.
Ivory Shields:That's big and I'm excited about it.
Toni Henson:Well it is big! The book and then this debut on on one of the most popular shows on own, that and then you have speaking engagements coming up anywhere. Can you share any anything thing about that.
Ivory Shields:We do have the podcast that will be launching in September as well. So we do have healing for the culture. We're rebranding, I've renamed it Soul Audacity Podcast. So that's going to be a big launch. But right now you can still see our Healing for the Culture Podcast episodes that are up right now on my YouTube channel. Soul Audacity- like us out. I have some some great interviews. I've spoken with some amazing people. And I can't wait to have you on Miss Tony. So you can definitely find me on Instagram@iamivoryshields.
Toni Henson:That's awesome. I am a fan. Ivory Shields. Thank you for being here!
Ivory Shields:Thank you for having me. It's an honor and a pleasure.
Tony:Great, great.
Toni Henson:That's Black Family Table Talk.
Tony:I know we need to wrap things up. But you do have the Queen Sugar. We're big fans of Queen Sugar. And the way you said it was gonna be a villain on it.
Ivory Shields:I really hope that you enjoy it. I had I had a lot of fun with the role. So I hope that I hope I serve the audience.
Toni Henson:I've seen you work your work. I know you did. God bless you.
Ivory Shields:Thank you so much for having me ya'll.
Tony:That concludes this week's talk. We hope you found some tools to add to your strong black family toolbox. And be sure to sign up for a free subscription at BlackFamilyTableTalk.com for special discounts and product offers reserved exclusively for you.
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